Wing and a Prayer

I am a 43 year old mother of 2 that has struggled with addiction for over half of my life. I was over a year clean and got in a relationship with someone that used daily. After moving in with him I gave into weakness and have used from December 2023 until now. In that amount of time I have gotten 3-4 felonies, while already on felony probation. My 16 year old daughter and 4 month old grandson live almost an hour away . Yesterday was Easter and some unfortunate events lead to me leaving the home I not so long ago moved into because my fiancé had to have me there at the very start of our relationship. My 15 year old son and I are waiting to go back to my father’s and stay once again, because he will have to get my son to and from school. Starting this very moment I am aiming for sobriety yet again. I am ashamed, and I feel like a fool. I had gotten so far and in less than half a year I put myself right back where I was when I was at my bottom. I’m also heartbroken, and terrified of going to prison. I am reaching out spiritually, and reaching within because I have to heal what’s hurting within me that I was blind to before all this. I am searching out, and plan to learn this lesson rather than repeat it again. I can and will do this, and express the best and worst of it, but the main goal is to give people hope when they feel all is lost. I firmly believe that absolutely anything is possible if you believe and want it to be so. Yes there will be struggle, but I am worthy and capable of great things. This will hold me accountable and eventually be a complete turnaround of my life. So,, day 1 emotions- sad, angry, lost, lonely, scared, embarrassed, grateful, hopeful, drained. Everyday I will say at least one positive affirmation which is , “I am worthy of everything that I want in my life.” I will also look in the mirror and say I love you/me. It helps. Lets hang in there❤️